And with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.
“How many of us can survive our own judgments?“
I ask this only because we are always so very quick to judge others and put them down and when we do that, what we are saying, in essence, is that we are far much better; that we would not be caught dead doing/saying something like that. We sit on our high horses and look down on others and hold ourselves to this high standard. And we forget just how human we are and how man is to err is what we are truly about.
Are there things you have ever publicly declared that you would never do, especially after someone you know did the same thing and you just felt so disgusted by it and you almost questioned their sanity? I mean, we know how extra we can become when we are pointing fingers at others. And when our words or let me say our stands and principles come back to bite us, we expect understanding and mercy. The double standard is always very alarming.
It’s weird how we know we are imperfect but yet we strive every other day to prove just how perfect we are. We of course say it, that we are not perfect, but this usually comes when we have messed up but on the other days, well, excuse us, we are well put together and we got things under control and we sneer at anyone who seems to be falling all over themselves.
And because of pride and ego, when our high views of ourselves become the traps by which we fall, we do not even want to have a conversation about it and will instead find a way to deflect because now we cannot deal with the embarrassment of it all. We look for a scapegoat. And the embarrassment makes it almost inconceivable that we could apologize for the wrath that we have spewed on others who fell on the same trap before us.
In my early teen years, I did not understand how someone could think of, let alone actually commit suicide. I found it to be very selfish and cowardly and I spoke very strongly against it. Until I was 16 and I became the subject of bullying and with my already barely-hanging-by-the-threads self-esteem, I was filled with thoughts about ending it all and how maybe the world would be a much better place without me in it. And once I became a victim of the thing I absolutely abhorred, humility checked in and so did mercy and understanding and now I will speak against anyone who tries to put down someone who says they have suicidal thoughts or who actually goes ahead and does it.
I think we have these high standard of ourselves as a cover-up for something else we do not want to deal with. We try to portray this perfect version of ourselves because there is/are certain flaws in us that we just cannot afford to flaunt or certain hurts and pains that we have experienced and we have vowed to never be victims of again and so we come up with this very strict rules of what we believe, hoping it will make us feel better about ourselves.
It’s far much easier to be judgmental than to extend grace or mercy or understanding. And judging feeds our ego. I know there are straight up right and wrong things, but there’s also mercy. And context, I believe, always matters. And a lot of times we project our own ideologies on people who do not share in our belief system and that is just not plain fair. If your faith is your north star, good for you. Live by its precepts but to try and hold another person accountable based on a faith they do not believe in I feel is quite false.
I don’t know about you but personally, as soon as I realized that more often than not when I judged it came from a place of insecurity or a place of jealousy, I trained myself to hold my tongue. I mean, why do I have a problem with someone wearing a short skirt and going about their life? Because I wish I had the confidence to not care about what other people think but because I don’t, I make myself feel better by putting the person who actually does down. I mean, why should I be bothered at all by what someone else chooses to do, as long as they are not breaking any sort of universal law or human rights?
Checking your heart is not an easy thing to do. To actually call yourself out on bad behavior is not a walk in the park and it takes a lot of self-will. Once I accepted that messing up is my default setting, I stopped taking myself too seriously, I became more gracious, understanding and forgiving with myself, and what that did is it helped me to be able to give the same to others. I give people the benefit of the doubt.
I will conclude with the question I started with, paraphrased: “Would you survive your own judgment?”